


Between Brothers

by KnightApparent



Series: Jotopa and the 115th Legion [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Blue should learn to knock really, F/M, some issues are finally brought to light, this is a mess but all my stories are and yall know that by now, toby and blue's batch siblings are talked about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 15:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightApparent/pseuds/KnightApparent
Summary: Blue is a lot of things, but unobservant is not one of them. He's tired of pretending he's okay when he's not.





	1. Chapter 1

CT-4999, commonly called Blue, was a lot of things. A seasoned trooper, yes. An amazing shot with blaster or rifle, duh. The best ARCie to ever be trained by Alpha-17, of course. Saving himself for marriage, yes. Depressed, yes. A bit of a dumbass, yeah sure, but who wasn’t? Blue knew he was a lot of things, good,bad, and ugly. 

The one thing he was not was unobservant. 

Ever since being assigned to the 115th Retrieval Team several listless and miserable months after watching his entire squad drown at the bottom of a lake on some backwater planet whose name he could no longer remember, Blue watched his new Captain and Jedi. 

He was lucky: his Captain was his older and only surviving batch brother, the perpetually anxious Toby. The Jedi over the five of them, in addition to being very pretty and capable, was kind and didn’t ask much of him. He had the distinct impression that she wasn’t actually sure what to do with any of them, which only strengthened his suspicion that he was foisted onto the two-man team in a last ditch effort to keep from sending him back for reconditioning. Having seen brothers and sisters who returned from that ordeal, Blue couldn’t help but feel thankful toward the Jedi, and he couldn’t deny that the missions they went on were interesting and much different from what he was used to doing. It wasn’t every vod that got to raid ancient ruins and run away from sentient plant life after all. Captain Toby would never live down that screech of terror when that vine wrapped around his ankle and tugged, Blue, Tig, and the recording of the entire incident would make sure of that!

Still, he watched them, feeling as though he was missing some important detail about them. 

It was Toby, really, that triggered his suspicion. It was well known throughout the 3rd Systems Army that his vod Toby was the most anxious being ever made. Some of Blue’s earliest memories were of Toby fussing over one thing or another, always on edge, always waiting for something to go wrong. It had saved them more times than Blue could count, though it was incredibly annoying, and the day Toby wasn’t on edge or over planning the shit out of something was the day the galaxy would wink out of existence. 

That’s what it was, Blue realized. While still mildly anxious, Toby was so mellow he could almost be called calm. Shoulders that had always been knotted with tension were relaxed, the constant frown lines on his forehead had gone, eyes that had never seemed to rest now often had a content glow to them, and Blue had even heard the man humming as they bedded down for the night. It was strange. Out of character. It pissed him off. Toby seemed almost happy, but how could he be?

How could Toby be happy when their brothers had died?

How could Toby, who once worked himself into a panic attack over having put on mismatched socks, smile and hum and sleep so easily when Blue felt like he was choking on the very air his brothers couldn’t hold on to? 

It was the Jedi, that Commander Kaid. She had some hidden ability, some Force thing, and if she could use it to calm Toby, maybe...maybe she could use it on him too. 

Blue sat up on his bunk, swinging his legs over the side and coming to stand in one fluid movement. It was a hell of an idea, and he knew Toby would crawl up his shebs if he found out he had disturbed the Commander in the middle of the night, but Blue was too excited, too terrified of the idea of not feeling like this, to care. He slipped out of his quarters and hurried down the hall to the sleeping Jedi’s room, bare feet soundless on the durasteel flooring of their small ship. They were between missions, way out on the outer edges of the Outer Rim, and heading toward an outpost to refuel and send the encoded findings of their mission to the Council. There, they would rest for a few days before being sent out again. 

Blue paused at Commander Kaid’s door, chewing his lip and rocking back on the heels of his feet. The ship was silent, running on autopilot while they slept. Ash was in the quarters closest to medbay, Tig and Skunk softly snoring the night cycle away in their shared quarters down the hall. Captain Toby had watch right now, and Blue was sure the Captain wouldn’t hear him knock on the Jedi’s door as far away from the cockpit as it was, but still...maybe he shouldn’t -

No, no. He needed help, and the Commander had told him to come to her if he needed anything. He couldn’t live like this, feeling like he was drowning, scared of any body of water bigger than the fresher sink. He would get either them or himself killed if he didn’t address this and soon. Resolve firmly in hand, Blue quietly opened the door and peeked into the dimly lit room.

This, uh...this is not what he expected to see.

Captain Toby was not, in fact, in the cockpit minding the controls like he was supposed to be. He was in the Commander’s quarters instead, sleep pants pooled around his ankles, bare ass (and honestly Blue was not very excited about getting an eyeful of his vod’s shebs) flexing as he worked in between the moaning Jedi’s thighs. One of the Commander’s legs was draped over Toby’s forearm, the other loosely wrapped around his waist, the heel of her foot digging into the curve of his ass as she used him for leverage to thrust her hips to meet his. One of her slim hands was fisted into the material of the back of his shirt, the other cupping the back of his head as they sloppily kissed. 

He should not be watching this. He should really,  _ really _ , not be watching this. He should -

Commander Kaid tore her mouth from Toby’s, a frustrated whine rising from her throat as she rested the back of her head on the wall behind her. Toby kissed her throat, a hand coming up to squeeze one of her bare breasts.

“Something wrong, sir,” Toby murmured, and Blue wondered at the gall the man had to still be so formal with the Jedi when he was balls deep inside her. Commander Kaid nodded, pulling Toby in close to her, her leg slipping off his arm to join the other wrapped around his waist.

“Mhmm,” she said, pulling in a deep breath before opening her eyes and focusing directly on Blue. Said clone felt his heart stop, his breath cease, and he was sure he was going to die in the next few seconds.

“What is it, Jo,” Toby asked softly, and Blue would later reflect on that gentle tone the Captain took with the Commander. Always that same gentleness, that same care underscoring his every word and action with her and she towards him. That was what he’d been missing: how in love they were with each other. 

“I want to cum, but Blue is in the room and seems to be in shock,” she said so calmly and matter of factly that it took Toby a full five seconds to process what she said. Another five, and Blue would have been safely out the door and halfway to his own quarters.

Alas, Toby was always quick on the uptake.

Blue watched, resigned, amazed, as Toby’s muscles tensed so tight he was surprised he couldn’t hear bones cracking before he whipped his head around to glare at Blue. His cheeks were an incredibly unattractive mottled red (though Blue was sure his face looked worse if the way his skin was burning so hotly it felt like his face would slide off at any second was any indication), eyes blazing.

“GET OUT,” Toby practically howled, and Blue scrambled back, falling through the still open door, his last glimpse of them Commander Kaid’s sheepish face as he rolled, shebs over face, out of the room and sprinted down the hall. 

Should he go to his quarters? Kriff no; Toby would look there first (“As soon as he pulls his pants up anyway.”), and this was an ass chewing he was trying to avoid for as long as possible. The cargo bay then. He could wiggle into one of the compartments and hope the Captain had calmed down by the time he found him. 

Blue skidded into the cargo bay, panting and laughing, laughing harder than he had in a long time. It was all so ridiculous, and he could just imagine the looks on his dead vode’s faces. Kit would be in tears; he could see her face now, with her long hair that only barely fit under her bucket, holding her sides as if she could keep herself together, biting her lip in an attempt to stifle her peals of laughter when she recalled the stupid, shocked look on Toby’s face when he saw Blue at the door. Joker would be mortified, having always seen Toby’s strict adherence to the regs as something to aspire to, the fall from grace as spectacular as it was unexpected. Pyro, the hopeless romantic and the closest to Kit, would be blushing and going on about how it was kinda cute that Toby was in love, all the while holding on to Kit to keep her from falling to the floor while she laughed. 

Snow would have missed the whole thing because he was the heaviest sleeper in the squad and nothing besides explosions disturbed his rest. Checkmate and Lucky would come rushing in from all the noise, Lucky butthurt that he missed all the action (“Again! I always miss the good stuff, but that’s just my luck, eh?”) while Checkmate would spit out some obscure factoid about Jedi and sex. Blue laughed again, softer, sadder. They would have loved this.

Fekking hell, they were really dead, weren’t they?

“I can almost hear Kit laughing at me right now,” Toby’s voice, when it came, was low and affectionate. Blue started, ran his fingers through his hair (an undercut like Toby’s though he hadn’t dyed his hair pink...yet) and nodded. When he turned, Toby was leaning against the frame of the door, a wry smile quirking his lips, pants thankfully firmly around his waist.

“Kit would have laughed until she passed out,” Blue said, and Toby’s answering laugh was more bark than anything else. 

“Joker would be so scandalized,” Toby murmured, and for the first time, Blue saw the same grief and pain he felt reflected in his Captain’s eyes. 

“He would,” Blue agreed, “but the Pyro would tell him to shut up and get over it because you’re in love.” Toby shifted, his hands doing a subtly anxious movement from their folded position.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Only to your vod,  _ at to birov _ ,” Blue said, calling Toby by his Mando name, a phrase really, which made reference to the fact that, as the highest ranking of them all, it had often been his job to keep them all together. The name Toby was a transliteration of the middle of the phrase which meant, loosely, to join many. 

Much better, especially now, than  _ solus tion’ad cuyir acyk vode _ , which was the name he was given as a middle brother.

One who is between brothers. 

What irony. 

  
  



	2. Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toby and Blue go on a solo mission that quickly goes downhill

They were in deep fekking shit and it was all Toby’s fault. What was supposed to be a simple retrieval mission (“It’s Jetti shit but it’s _easy_ Jetti shit, Blue, so keep your shirt on.”), the last before they got all their troops and officially became a damn battalion instead of the cozy team Blue was just starting to get comfortable with, had gone quickly downhill, the old ruins filled with booby-traps that took them hours to either get around or take down, and that wasn’t even taking into account the hostile nature of the planet itself: the grueling gravity, the aggressive plant life and sentient rocks that chased them up and down and around the mountainous terrain. And if that wasn’t bad enough, because of the absolutely shitty orbit the planet had around a supermassive black hole, Skunk was forced in an categorically nuts orbit around both planet and black hole to keep their time relative and was only able to fly by their drop off position every three days, so of course they missed the first two fly bys, and this was all before Toby got hurt. 

They were trekking through what could only be described as a fucking bog, their armor smeared with mud and Force only knew what else. Blue’s breath fogged the inside of his helmet, his sensors sending an annoying whine in his ears, telling him that he had a breach in his bodysuit, something he was more than well aware of. He glared sullenly at Toby’s back, his rifle uncharacteristically heavy in his hands. Toby’s kama was caked with mud and debris, and Blue could hear his older brother’s soft grunts as he doggedly forced his way through the thick muck. Did the fucker even know where they were going? Blue could only wonder.

“Maybe we should stop. Take a minute to rethink our strategy, vod,” Blue said, finding the nearest sturdy tree and leaning against it. Toby stopped as well, and Blue couldn’t see his face, but he could see the stress induced ire pouring off his brother’s every limb. He shouldn’t have said anything.

“What other strategy is there, Blue? If we don’t get to the drop off position, we’ll be stuck here forever. They can’t stay in orbit around this karking planet forever, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to stay here.”

That’s when it happened. As Toby was making his way forward again, Blue’s keen eyes caught on the slightest glimmer of a trip line. Dread pooled, hot and bitter, in the pit of his stomach and even as he was crying out, “Toby! Look out!” he knew it was too late. As he usually was, he was right.

Their armor could take a lot of damage, even banged up as it was from over a week of hard use and next to no downtime for maintenance. They were lucky, also, in the fact that the accumulated centuries of bog over the explosives worked to dampen the effect. It still sent Blue flying, knocking the breath out of him as he slammed into the trunk of a tree, taking the old thing down with him in a spectacular crash. He lay there, dazed with what he was sure was a concussion, watching his life signs go crazy on his helmet display, waiting for his conscious mind to reboot. When it did, his first thought was –

“Toby? TOBY!” Blue scrambled up, wheezing in pain, knowing that he’d probably cracked a few ribs if not broken them entirely. He winced, got to his feet, limping. Fuck, his foot…no, it wasn’t broken, just hurt like hell. Didn’t matter. He had to find Toby. His eyes scanned the wrecked landscape, only seeing the mangled roots of trees and disgusting water in ever growing pools. Mud covered everything. Bile rose in his throat. No. No.

“Toby! Come on, asshole, answer me!” Nothing, not even the sound of his breathing over their comms. Tears stung his burning eyes, but he ignored them, limping on as he searched and searched for his brother. Stupid, fussy Toby couldn’t be dead. He wasn’t allowed to fucking die; he hadn’t asked his or Jo’ika’s permission. He –

There! A muddy white boot was sticking out of a tangle of roots, mud, and debris. Blue scrambled over to it, his injuries forgotten, apprehension thrumming through his veins, warring with the relief he felt at finding his brother. He cleared the rocks and debris from Toby’s body, saw with staggering relief that he was in one piece, almost ramming their helmets together in his haste to link their vital sign displays. An actual sob of relief escaped him when he saw that Toby was still alive. Alive but severely banged up and barely conscious. Now that he was right on him, Blue could hear a faint groaning sound making itself heard over the harsh sound of his own heavy and panicked breathing. Toby was twitching slightly, an aborted movement as though he was trying to sit up but couldn’t quite get himself together enough to do so. His The force of the blast had slightly warped Toby’s bucket, and he could see his older brother minutely shaking his head as though to shift it back into its proper place. He would have to help him get it off, once he got them somewhere safe. There was a small limb piercing the left side of Toby’s armor, and Blue had no idea how deep inside it went.

For a moment, when Blue considered how much effort he would have to put in, first to stabilize Toby, then to find them shelter, then to come back and drag his brother to that shelter, he seriously thought about leaving Toby where he lay and carrying on to the pick-up point alone. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d left a brother to die, and hell, Toby wasn’t even one of his favorite brothers, never had been. He was just the only one he had left, and Blue was sure he could do without him. The way Toby acted these days, so wrapped up in his pretty little Jedi, so godsdamned happy all the time it made Blue sick to his stomach to see it when every day he had to force himself out of his bunk, had to force himself to put a smile on his face, to joke and laugh like everything was fine when it really kriffing wasn’t. Toby always held himself a little bit apart from the rest of the batch, as though he thought because he was destined to be a Commander he was better than the rest of them. Well, Blue had never given a shit. He kept his distance as much as he could, keeping close to Pyro and Kit, Snow and Lucky. Let Checkmate and Joker deal with that stuck up barve of a brother. Let them deal with his stupid anxiety attacks; let them get attached and be the ones to mourn when the stupid asshole died his first mission out because he got choked up over something pointless. Blue wouldn’t care. And when Toby had been sent away from them, somehow gone through three Jedi, becoming more and more anxious with each one he didn’t mesh with, before finding Jotopa, Blue was glad. Served him right. Ah, but…that was before the Incident. Before he lost everyone and Toby was all he had left. How long had the resentment been growing, living just beneath the surface of his skin, Blue couldn’t have said, but in that moment it burst free, and he really, truly wanted to leave Toby to die in the mud and muck.

No.

No, he couldn’t do that. Beneath it all, despite how he was feeling, Toby was his brother, the only batch brother he had left. He couldn’t leave him. He wouldn’t leave him. There was no way he would be able to look that Jedi of his in the eyes again if he did.

Hours later, and the searing hot dual suns were finally settling below the horizon. Blue allowed himself to collapse onto the grimy floor of the cave he’d found, his body trembling with exhaustion. Beside him, Toby was finally beginning to stir into full consciousness, his small groans of discomfort morphing into moans of true pain. Wearily, Blue reached over and slowly worked his brother’s helmet off his head. Toby blinked bleary eyes at him, scar stark and startling across his pain washed face.

“I got blown the fuck up.”

Blue chuckled. “Yeah, you did.”

Toby tried to sit up, hissed in pain, hand going to the thick stick still embedded in his side. Blue knelt next to him, medpacks in hand.

“Fierfek. I don’t think it’s deep. Better pull it out, Blue.”

“We don’t have much bacta, and the drop off point is still two hours from here.”

Toby swore, softer this time, that familiar look of anxiety crossing his features, and Blue wanted to shake him, to punch him, to yell, _don’t you start that shit right now, Toby!_ But instead he smiled, more a grimace on his mud caked face, and waited to see what Toby would say.

“Hate to use it all on a stupid scratch like this. What if we need it later? Still…we gotta get to that drop off point,” there was a desperation behind Toby’s words that Blue knew all too well had to do with only one person, the only person Toby had ever cared about in his entire useless life. Blue’s eye twitched. “Yeah. Better take it out.”

He reached out, grasped the thick branch a little rougher than he should have. “This is going to sting a little, vod.” Toby nodded an affirmative, and with one practiced movement, Blue jerked the branch free. A small gush of blood followed the branch’s exit, and together the two of them struggled to wrestled Toby’s torso pieces off. Cracked duraplast off and discarded, Toby unsheathed the utilitarian hunting knife he kept on him at all times and handed it to Blue. His younger brother took the blade and used it to slice open Toby’s already torn blacks so that he could better inspect the wound. Pulling off one glove with his teeth, he gingerly touched around the torn flesh.

“Nothing feels broken. Must have just slid beneath the skin,” he tossed Toby a rare, genuine smile, eyes darting away too quick to see the surprise on his brother’s face. “I’ll clean it and pack it with bacta. You’ll live to fuss another day, vod.”

“Hey!”

Blue snorted at Toby’s indignant response, dulled somewhat by the pained hiss gritted through his teeth as Blue disinfected his wound then packed it with bacta.

“How about I say you’ll live to make eyes at our Jedi again?” Blue quipped and immediately wished he had kept his mouth shut. Toby’s eyes sharpened, the dazed and wandering gaze becoming focused so quickly, so intently, it was startling.

“That bothers you.” It wasn’t a question. Blue treated it like it was anyway.

“Of course it doesn’t. Why would it? I don’t care what you two get up to in your spare time, vod, I-“

“You don’t have to lie anymore, ner vod,” Toby said suddenly, interrupting him. Blue stuttered to a stop, laughed nervously at the pained smile plastered on his older brother’s face. He shuffled away from Toby, suddenly desperate to get some space between them.

“What are you...?” But Blue trailed off at the look on Toby’s sweaty features, that knowing look he’d always hated so much spread all over that pained and pinched expression. 

“I know...I know you hate me, Blue.” The blood drained from Blue’s face. This wasn’t happening. Not like this.

“No! I-” 

Toby lunged forward and slammed his fist against Blue’s chest, knocking the breath from his lungs. Despite that, the blow was a fairly weak one, a testament to the severity of Toby’s injury. 

“Yes you do!” Toby yelled, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “You think I don’t know? I’ve always known! Gods, Blue, you’ve never liked me, and it must kill you that I’m the only one you have left.” 

Silence, so thick it was like drowning again.

“Y-You’re wrong. I don’t hate you…” He trailed off, almost laughing at the disbelieving look on his brother’s face. Oh, but he was a spoiled brat wasn’t he? That’s what got them into this mess. That’s what got the others killed; he knew that in his deepest self. “…I _envy_ you, Toby.”

“W-What?”

Blue shrugged, a helpless little movement that hid none of his self-loathing.

“You always know what you’re doing. Always have a plan for everything. You always know what to do. You would have never froze up like I did.”

“Blue-“

“Listen! I,” he clenched shaking fists in his lap, took a shuddering breath, held it, told his racing heart to calm down. He could do this. He could say what he should have said when Rex first brought him to that tent, “I was in charge of our flight path that day. I told the pilot to go that way. It’s my fault we crashed, and then I…I froze. While Kit drowned in front of me. With Snow and Checkmate crushed in front of me. Pyro cut me out of my seat, he…he let the water take him,” he met Toby’s wide eyes with his own, the skin around them tight, face hot with something begging to be let free. “Why would he do that? Why did he look so calm? I just keep thinking that if I was more like you, I would be okay-“

“But I’m not okay, Blue!” Toby grabbed him again by the back of the neck and forced Blue to look at him, something he’d always done to each of them in training when they weren’t listening. There was a wildness in Toby’s eyes that Blue had never seen before. “You think I would have done any better than you? You’re wrong, baby brother. I wouldn’t have. I miss them so much, don’t you know that?”

His eyes were burning, Toby’s face somehow hazy even though their noses were almost touching.

“You…you have our Jedi. You never seem like you miss them. It’s like you don’t care that they’re d-dead.”

Toby’s grip on him was nearly bruising, his eyes so earnest Blue could almost forget where they were, what they were talking about.

“I loved them just as much as you did. Don’t you dare think for a second that I didn’t. I wanted to be strong for you, but I guess that was the wrong thing to do. Don’t drag Jotopa into this, vod,” Toby said wearily, suddenly releasing him and laying back down against the bedding with a tired sigh. Blue rocked back, sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, considering. Toby closed his eyes, a hand gently covering his bandaged wound as he rested. After a long moment, Blue sat down next to his shoulder. Toby didn’t stir, pointedly ignoring him.

“You really miss them?” He asked hesitantly. His brother scoffed, affronted.  
  
“Every day,” Toby replied, not opening his eyes.

“Then why-“

“Because you need me to be strong. I’m your older brother, and it’s my job to take care of your stupid ass. I love you, Blue. That’s all there is to it.”

Despite himself, Blue smiled at Toby’s irritated tone of voice. Somehow, that small bit of gruff reassurance, that he was loved, that he was being looked after despite what he’d done, eased him more than he thought possible. He reached out, gingerly touched Toby’s bare shoulder with his fingertips, and was gratified when Toby reached up and firmly grasped his hand.

“So, who’s job is it to take care of your stupid ass?”

Toby grinned, teeth flashing white in the gloom.

“Didn’t I just say not to bring her into this?”


End file.
